He cried after sex

For someone like me, sexual intimacy is primarily spiritual. But I'm not sure if intimacy has always been so much about mingling of souls as it is about mingling of bodies. Even in my 40s I can get caught up in the cultural and media messages of physical attraction and sexual gratification, but I don't dare allow them to prevail or make sense for that matter. Being a single mom of a daughter I only desire to practice what I teach.

Sacred and sexual in the same motion, seems so new-agey and unrealistic. But I have a friend who told me of an experience with her now deceased husband.. when shortly before his unexpected death by heart attack (not in bed but at a red light).. he cried after they made love. They weren't newly weds, either. She said his sobbing was a bit disarming yet very profound. But all she could do was revel in the soul and soggy arms of her beloved gentle tender man. She never new him more deeply. It wasn't long before he left her to raise alone, their infant son.

It's been a few years since I've seen my friend. And back then, I considered her to be one of the most promiscuous women I've ever known. Not a judgment just an observation.. Seemingly in search of that sacred sexual experience, again.

What about this man's emotion made this experience seem so sacred, anyway? As profound as it was for her to experience, it's just as profound for me to know that it happened. I can't explain it. But I'd like to experience that as well.

Having been single for quite some time now, and not sexually active, I cannot foresee connecting with the next Mr. Right with any degree of spirituality - right off the bat. I would dive right in.. probably expecting that if he's pleasing to my heart as he is to my mind.. my soul won't care if we skip a few steps.

Forging a spiritual trust like what my friend obviously had with her husband could take a few years. The price I pay for being selective.

Interracial Love

We all know it is the content of a man's character that speaks the most about who he is.. not the color of his skin. Right? Well.. Many people do have preferences that outrank character..

I'm personally one who is open to loving a man of any race, but I do prefer Black men. As a Black woman, in my mind, historically and spiritually, the Black man truly reigns. For better or worst, Black men have a definite sex appeal. It's not about the brother's johnson, it's about his Soul's Code. And I believe there are some things only a Black woman can teach and provide for a Black man.. who wants it. But if he doesn't want it.. Too bad, too sad.. His loss! A good man is a good man no matter his race!

First, I'll tell you the race of men I've dated Brits (anglo), Spaniards, Dominicans, Puerto Ricans, average American White Boys (from Wisconsin to Texas to Kentucky), Africans, and African Americans. In my wildest fantasy.. the man of my wildest dreams is Latino. Cuban, to be exact. Ask me no questions I'll tell you no lies!

But what's the deal with any woman desiring a man of another race? I would say that a thoughtful spiritual woman will tell you something like this...

1. He's a teacher. Ultimately, he is a self-study program. He will teach you various aspects of yourself you didn't even know existed. How you perceive and behave toward men - changes after you've been in an interracial relationship. And it's in your own head that you haven't. Everyone else will notice.
   
   
2. He puts you on a spiritual path. In Black and White terms.. your relationship will stress application rather than theory, and experience rather than theology. All you have to do is follow his lead and you can obtain the goal of peace and harmony ad infinitum. In the end, it'll either last or it won't. Basically, what I'm saying is.. at first there will be this subtle struggle because of race/culture differences. Face it. Don't deny it! You can pretend you don't notice them, others will teach you it's true. Then.. you decide to handle things, ignore differences.. and integrate him into you. Becoming one with him will make you more like him.
   
   
3. He dictates rules of behavior. I've observed that it's usually the woman that can't keep doing whatever she's been doing once she gets with a man of another race. The man does not change his behavior because he's with you, but his meaning changes because he's with you. He becomes the WHY.. you've changed what you're doing. He's worth it to you. Along with your new perspective, it's not unusual that your ways and even your external circumstances change.
   
   
4. He's a beautiful communion of universal erotic themes. And more than that, he is a fusion of sexuality and spirituality. Sexuality and spirituality have often been at cross-purpose-- each terrified of the other. An interracial relationship, however, breathes new life into the finest ideas of sacred eroticism.. delivering its own message. Just look at the babies of an interracial union.
   
   
5. He gives you immediate results. One interracial relationship (not sexual encounter -but a pure relationship) will change you. Your day, your feelings, your life, your experiences. Who doesn't want to change like that? It's fun to explore the stereotypes and unknowns. Right away you get more out of it than you ever imagined!
   

Not a Wildfire but a Tender Fire

For days I've been struggling with what to do with this blog. When I discovered the sexy feet with the red nail polish theme, I was content. That image would convey a message I wanted to share with a new audience, and perhaps some old friends would follow me over from another place I'd been hanging out. The message that I'm dying to share is that I'm a sexy sensual woman, not just a sexy mama, AND SO MIGHT BE -OTHER MOTHERS OUT THERE! But as I begin to write daily, I struggled with the message. With several things going on in my life right now, I wasn't sure if - I really wanted to go 'there.' You may have noticed my blog description or tag line has changed quite a few times. For now, I like that it's "How I feel, what I think."

But really, deep down inside I wanted to be a little more adventurous and risqué here at Apt 10b. More inviting. More appealing to a broader audience. I want to write about and explore topics I didn't dare share on my other more family friendly blog. There, my expressions are mostly about my journey as a single mom of a teen aged girl, and my stance on organized religion & how we are all children of the same universe, in the voice of a woman who considers herself a spiritual, sensual, soulful scribe. There, I can get on my soapbox and feel perfectly safe. Every once in a while revealing my true colors.. But here, I truly want to be vulnerable, put my red dress on! And the red lipstick and the red nail polish, too! Take a chance. Let my hair down.. and burn that sacred fire... that tender fire.. and say out loud --If you think that sexuality recedes with spiritual growth, think again!

I've found that in my essence as a free spirit who abides closely to God, (I may also refer to as Spirit, Creator and sometimes the Universe) the source of all creativity, not only is my spirituality more intense and whole, so is my sensuality and my sexuality!!

So there! It's all out in the open.

Where our anti-sensual culture tends to divide sexuality and spirituality, I'm here to say that a single adult woman dating men, or wanna be dating men, I am not torn about any messages of sex nor am I torn or struggle to find my own values for my sexuality. My sexuality and sensuality is a lovely fire of beautiful flames that cast light and warmth. It's not the least bit destructive and it's certainly not about sexual arousal or gratification. All the time.

And I think that writing this has freed me up to move forward with other entrepreneurial projects and aspirations.. Without hiding myself behind sunglasses any longer. I don't have to blog, but I do have to make a living, and I've been afraid to really be the authentic Mom in Apt 10b; The spiritual, sensual, soulful, me.