Is there a Cougar in me?

I've been trying to sit this whole cougar thing out since I first heard the term and understood the meaning to be an older woman who's trying to score with a much younger man.

My 16 year old giggles that I think her 20something year old mall store manager, Josh - is adorable. When I first met him, I was pretty forward.. I advanced on him, shook his hand, cornered him -asking him questions and telling him how cute he was. I didn't even realize I was doing it. My daughter snarled at me.. "Mom?!" Then she dragged me out of the store and told me I was acting like a "cougar!" Me? A cougar? Palease!

I've heard of, but have never seen this t.v. show with Vivica, Aint Got No Talent, Fox... called "Cougars." I'm sure it's woefully, painfully, pathetically, unfunny.. and uninteresting. Though she probably plays a really good overly surgically altered cougar, watching & waiting preying on lil' boys. Am I being ugly? Sorry. I'm just not a Vivica fan. At all.

And who came up with that name, "cougar," anyway? And why is there a stigma attached to a woman over 40 wanting or having a younger man? When men have been hooking up with younger women for ages! Is there a name for that, besides "sugar daddy?" Oh, yes... It's.. "Double standard."

Some women think the term "cougar" is derogatory. I wouldn't go that far. As a matter of fact it's very reflective of some of the traits of a cougar. You know -being on the hunt, prowl; to corner & pounce! Like I seemed to have been doing with Josh that day.

I do feel like going on the hunt sometimes, when I'm so aware that I'm not with anyone, and everyone else seems to be. I could probably never pull that 'cougar' thing off with any success. I'm too self conscious. As good as I feel about myself, and my looks, I do have battle scars, a younger guy wouldn't understand or want to hear the stories of. And I cannot see me pouncing on anything! Well. Maybe. Depends on the man.

I could entertain a much younger man taking care of me, but I probably couldn't do it the way Stella did it.. I think she went back way too far.. My groove is not in that bad a shape! At my age, anybody under 35 is not going to work.

I remember when I was 39, I met a 30 year old man who totally turned me off when he said.. in the middle of a discussion about something.. "My mother didn't raise me like that!" Tha end. Bye-bye. That was one too many references to his mother!

And when I was 25 I was dating someone was just turning 20. We had the hots for each other. As it turns out he was going through a divorce from a cougar... who had a child from a previous marriage. He was still in love with her. He decided to tell me about it after he realized we were getting serious. I think he ended up reconciling with her. I do remember him telling me she was 40 something (the age I am, now). I was mad that he didn't tell me he was married. But I was sad that we broke up. And I missed him for a long time afterwards. He was sweet! And smart. Ambitious. And lots of fun...

...But mostly, he had no inhibitions or judgments. After I learned he was married to an older woman, I understood why he had that mature touch & passion. Somebody had taught it to him! Yowza!

I'd like to think that if I decided to enter a relationship with a much younger man.. I'd not be looked as a sad old maid or even as some super hottie "on the hunt." But as someone who is seriously in the game of seek and ye shall find --the right one. Even if he's 5 and NO MORE THAN ten years younger than me. As long as he's able to NOT play any games and step up to me without any unnecessary superfluous b-s-ing.. then, I'd be ok with it!


Wanna meet the... The Real Cougar Woman? She's even written a book that debunks the cougar myths! Gotta love her!

Don't love me 'cause I'm beautiful..

And don't hate me 'cause I'm beautiful, either!

It's a known fact that so called beautiful women are more disliked than their "plainer" rivals. And I might add, more lonely, too. Is it a curse to be considered beautiful?

From early childhood I watched my daughter being burdened with the stigma of adoration from adults because of her looks (and her smarts) to the dismay of her peers. And as a teen and young adult, I was called stuck up, or bitch, and antagonized and hated by my peers and coworkers because all the guys were staring and stumbling.. Let's go ahead and call it what it is. A curse!

And now, at age 47, I feel kinda of awkward talking about myself to other women. Even women who think I am beautiful. I like me. And I do beautiful very well. But I'm feeling hopelessly stigmatized myself, and I'm sure that most men I could be remotely attracted to are intimidated and stay away because they think that single and beautiful means deadly or damaged. I always get.. "How come a beautiful woman like you is still single?" Men friends and even my brothers suggest that I when I go out I should dress down and not turn down a drink offer or an invitation to dance. Else.. no other man in the room will ask. "Beautiful women.. Ya'll mess with a brother's head."

At work and in social settings beautiful women quickly become the center of attention. I don't like being the center of attention. It makes me feel like the entertainment. Guys seeking you out, alienating you from all the haters.. um.. women around. You'd be amazed to hear about all the negative attention I got from women at work just because of the unnecessary and undeserved attention I got from men.

I was telling some new friends at a weekend retreat that I tend to wear my sunglasses all the time, even inside at malls and grocery stores and the doctor's office, etc.. to avoid attracting unwanted attention and conversation about my eyes. They are green, and they are really mine. As flattering as that is, it can be very awkward to talk about myself when the focus should be on someone or something else. I know my eyes, my face, my hair, my stance, my persona and presence are beautiful to others! But there's more to me than what you see.

And just because it's beautiful to you doesn't mean it's good for you. You know? So unless you get to know me, you'll never really know me. It would be so nice to meet someone who is interested in getting to know me first without harping on what he thinks of my looks. The worst part is there is really nothing I can do about it... except keep my eyes open for the one who will have.. "enough confidence and swagger to pull me without any fear..."

That'll be the day!