Is there a Cougar in me?

I've been trying to sit this whole cougar thing out since I first heard the term and understood the meaning to be an older woman who's trying to score with a much younger man.

My 16 year old giggles that I think her 20something year old mall store manager, Josh - is adorable. When I first met him, I was pretty forward.. I advanced on him, shook his hand, cornered him -asking him questions and telling him how cute he was. I didn't even realize I was doing it. My daughter snarled at me.. "Mom?!" Then she dragged me out of the store and told me I was acting like a "cougar!" Me? A cougar? Palease!

I've heard of, but have never seen this t.v. show with Vivica, Aint Got No Talent, Fox... called "Cougars." I'm sure it's woefully, painfully, pathetically, unfunny.. and uninteresting. Though she probably plays a really good overly surgically altered cougar, watching & waiting preying on lil' boys. Am I being ugly? Sorry. I'm just not a Vivica fan. At all.

And who came up with that name, "cougar," anyway? And why is there a stigma attached to a woman over 40 wanting or having a younger man? When men have been hooking up with younger women for ages! Is there a name for that, besides "sugar daddy?" Oh, yes... It's.. "Double standard."

Some women think the term "cougar" is derogatory. I wouldn't go that far. As a matter of fact it's very reflective of some of the traits of a cougar. You know -being on the hunt, prowl; to corner & pounce! Like I seemed to have been doing with Josh that day.

I do feel like going on the hunt sometimes, when I'm so aware that I'm not with anyone, and everyone else seems to be. I could probably never pull that 'cougar' thing off with any success. I'm too self conscious. As good as I feel about myself, and my looks, I do have battle scars, a younger guy wouldn't understand or want to hear the stories of. And I cannot see me pouncing on anything! Well. Maybe. Depends on the man.

I could entertain a much younger man taking care of me, but I probably couldn't do it the way Stella did it.. I think she went back way too far.. My groove is not in that bad a shape! At my age, anybody under 35 is not going to work.

I remember when I was 39, I met a 30 year old man who totally turned me off when he said.. in the middle of a discussion about something.. "My mother didn't raise me like that!" Tha end. Bye-bye. That was one too many references to his mother!

And when I was 25 I was dating someone was just turning 20. We had the hots for each other. As it turns out he was going through a divorce from a cougar... who had a child from a previous marriage. He was still in love with her. He decided to tell me about it after he realized we were getting serious. I think he ended up reconciling with her. I do remember him telling me she was 40 something (the age I am, now). I was mad that he didn't tell me he was married. But I was sad that we broke up. And I missed him for a long time afterwards. He was sweet! And smart. Ambitious. And lots of fun...

...But mostly, he had no inhibitions or judgments. After I learned he was married to an older woman, I understood why he had that mature touch & passion. Somebody had taught it to him! Yowza!

I'd like to think that if I decided to enter a relationship with a much younger man.. I'd not be looked as a sad old maid or even as some super hottie "on the hunt." But as someone who is seriously in the game of seek and ye shall find --the right one. Even if he's 5 and NO MORE THAN ten years younger than me. As long as he's able to NOT play any games and step up to me without any unnecessary superfluous b-s-ing.. then, I'd be ok with it!


Wanna meet the... The Real Cougar Woman? She's even written a book that debunks the cougar myths! Gotta love her!

How to Get Severely Laid

She once told a lover that she would write a book of poems for him and call it Severely Laid. Later she would write another book and call it Sincerely Touched. She says, it probably would not be interesting to anyone but her, since the rocky road to peace is more sensational than peace itself, and the yearning for love is more dramatic when it hurts. She, is Marianne Williamson my favorite author of a woman's worth.

As I think about the last guy I dumped, it turns out he was in need of some serious dumping.We were only attached in his mind.. I had to dump him hard, too. So hard, that for a moment, I was afraid he might be hurt and never let me live it down. He was hard headed. He thought he was all that and a bag of chips. God's gift to me. Because.. because he thought of me that way.

What's wrong with me that I couldn't get with him? Give him a chance? The frog! He came offering gifts! Might of had Prince potential, too. I beat myself up about it for too long. And as much as I felt like his touch or his presents (not his presence) might cure what ailed me.. I know the truth is.. it just wasn't meant to be that-a-way. He didn't have what it takes. Physically, spiritually, mentally, financially. Emotionally. He was a nerd renting and working double shifts, off on Mondays.. calling and texting me all the time! A sarcastic egotistical antagonist, who left my 16 year old exclaiming..."Mom, our circumstances is not your test... HE is.. your test." Yep, this dude left an indelible mark on me and my child for a very brief moment and he doesn't even know it.

Essentially, UNATTRACTIVE... to me in so many ways, but never the less a very good teacher of something essential. I tried not to hurt his feelings. Even when he asked... "Do you find me attractive?" I blamed it on his wardrobe. T-shirts, gym shorts and orthopedic sneakers without socks is a sure turn off fellas! And he wan't good in bed, either! (Yes, that's no typo.. I said wan't.) No amount of Maker's Mark whiskey sours--shaken well, so it gets all foamy... was going to make me want to spend any time teaching no body nothing. I'm tired of being the teacher! I want somebody who knows a little something about somethin'... extraordinary.

What matters is.. what matters to me. And that's all that matters. Not yearning for anything, just holding out to be sincerely laid touched by the real deal.

Ok Ladies! The only other Gentlemans Magazine You'll Ever Need to Read!

I'm speechless, actually.

Somehow I ended up @ the Hall of the Black Dragon.com

I responded to the post "Solutions for The Single Black Female," and the response to my response, hooked me up. Filled me up. Pleased me. Squeezed me.

Tighter.

Tighter!

Click Here to read my comment

And here is the reply to my comment:

Hi Mom in Apt 10b (love your blog btw) I grew up with a beautiful single mother, so I saw my fair share of sorry-ass men. Actually out of the number that came in and out of our lives I recall one outstanding guy, he was exciting, had her dancing on air but he had a drug habit. The point you make on vices is not a light one, and for all the good points that we have, many men do fall back on vices and it is a wicked thing. Alcohol, drugs, sex, video games, you name it there is always something. That being said you are in pursuit of a truly "different" individual, it leads back to what I said about our typical dives and digs. THAT guy that will win you over for all you are worth, is probably in the least likely place looking for someone like you. Good guys are normally driven, the passion is their vice so they will hang out at places that aren't exactly leisurely to an outsider, but to them it's heaven. Many good guys are home bodies when they aren't actively travelling and Jet Setting. Many cultured guys do their first loves solo, so it would be up to you to keep your eye open for him when you cross paths in an activity that isn't the Black Ski Summit. So if you are running into too many losers with vices, and your wish is for a man of culture and exploration, you will need to do your research on where a man like this frequents. Many times he isn't in your neighborhood, city or stomping grounds. Just remember that we are in the information age and an accomplished single man will be able to get to you without much hassle. Last but not least, we did not get that "minority" tag on accident, I know I am preaching to the choir when I say that for outside of a select few cities black people are a rarity. If I had tried to find my current girlfriend in my town I would have been better off trying to find the holy grail. It is that bad, and many of us forget that it is that bad. So exploring other venues even outside of your local area in order to find Mr. Right is almost a necessity.

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