First comes love, then comes sex.. Or is it the other way around?

What makes a relationship tick? Or another way to ask this question is.. Which comes first? Sex? or Love?

Men need sexual fulfillment in order to respond to a woman emotionally. Women need emotional fulfillment in order to respond to a man sexually. It's a catch 22. Women willingly give sex to get what we think is love, and men act like they love us to get some sex. Happens all the time!

Love You, Too

In the living room of about 20 others, she sat on pointe in a wing chair directly across from me on the sofa. I imagined she was my deceased paternal grandmother. Slender, bejeweled with silver tresses beautifully coiffed away from her high cheek bones and dark but slightly reddened complexion. I'm told I'll look like her when I'm that age. The rock on her ring finger spoke volumes! She obviously belongs to a well endowed man. Hmmmm.. I was impressed and proud. But my grandmother, she is not.

This single mom's charity project kick-off meeting started with a round-robin of introductions, and finally, hers was.. testimonial; As if it's the only reason to exist she said.. "A man wants a woman who has a passion for something." My mother never even told me that! Then again, my truck driver step dad had child support to pay, and my mom, was technically a single mother with three children of her own to raise.. She never got around to indulging in any passion. I wish she had, though. I never knew until I gave birth, my mother wanted to work for NASA. Now, a chronic pain patient, she's an aspiring watercolorist. Observing the clouds, the moon and flowers and painting them on greeting cards she designs. God does have a way of bringing us full circle to our longings.

The beautiful Madam eagerly shared that during a leisurely drive that very day, she admired a house that was occupied. Her husband got out of the car, knocked on the door and asked the owners if they were interested in selling. They said, "Yes." The needful calls to lawyers and realtors were made and the house now belongs to Madam!

I wondered what her passion was that attracted Monsieur. Could it be the active non-profit she claims founding, that grants money to single mothers to further their education? I later on Googled and found nothing about it, her or him, online. I threw her contact information away.

I supposed that if you love a man who can buy you a house on demand, how wonderful for you. And if you desire a union with him, then by all means marry him if your heart calls you to. I just believe that choosing the union you have also chosen to serve God and Goddess. Multi-task if you must! At the very least, fit YOURSELF in first -or else! At first glance I was impressed with Madame, but I also lost confidence in her.. The more she spoke the more I learned. It seems to me, she got lost in her man and all he could bestow. Not a judgment, just an observation.

I guess, sometimes it takes a half your life to get around to loving yourself enough to take care of yourself without any one subsidizing you. I used to think all I wanted was to be married with a bunch of children. But after eight years in the Navy, I realized I could never ever, married or not, allow my partnership with a man to silence my voice.. like my mother likely did.. Not a judgment, just an observation.


Art: Love Yourself First and Then Your Dog by Chryssa Wolfe

How to Get Severely Laid

She once told a lover that she would write a book of poems for him and call it Severely Laid. Later she would write another book and call it Sincerely Touched. She says, it probably would not be interesting to anyone but her, since the rocky road to peace is more sensational than peace itself, and the yearning for love is more dramatic when it hurts. She, is Marianne Williamson my favorite author of a woman's worth.

As I think about the last guy I dumped, it turns out he was in need of some serious dumping.We were only attached in his mind.. I had to dump him hard, too. So hard, that for a moment, I was afraid he might be hurt and never let me live it down. He was hard headed. He thought he was all that and a bag of chips. God's gift to me. Because.. because he thought of me that way.

What's wrong with me that I couldn't get with him? Give him a chance? The frog! He came offering gifts! Might of had Prince potential, too. I beat myself up about it for too long. And as much as I felt like his touch or his presents (not his presence) might cure what ailed me.. I know the truth is.. it just wasn't meant to be that-a-way. He didn't have what it takes. Physically, spiritually, mentally, financially. Emotionally. He was a nerd renting and working double shifts, off on Mondays.. calling and texting me all the time! A sarcastic egotistical antagonist, who left my 16 year old exclaiming..."Mom, our circumstances is not your test... HE is.. your test." Yep, this dude left an indelible mark on me and my child for a very brief moment and he doesn't even know it.

Essentially, UNATTRACTIVE... to me in so many ways, but never the less a very good teacher of something essential. I tried not to hurt his feelings. Even when he asked... "Do you find me attractive?" I blamed it on his wardrobe. T-shirts, gym shorts and orthopedic sneakers without socks is a sure turn off fellas! And he wan't good in bed, either! (Yes, that's no typo.. I said wan't.) No amount of Maker's Mark whiskey sours--shaken well, so it gets all foamy... was going to make me want to spend any time teaching no body nothing. I'm tired of being the teacher! I want somebody who knows a little something about somethin'... extraordinary.

What matters is.. what matters to me. And that's all that matters. Not yearning for anything, just holding out to be sincerely laid touched by the real deal.

If it's not asking too much...

Cool times.. and a wonderful day! But at one point I stopped and wept just for a moment. Was feeling so good inside, that I longed for someone to share with. Not my teen. Not my mother. Not a BFF nor my brother. But a life partner and confidant. A beloved friend and bon vivant. The one who would know all my favorite things. The one who would know what everything means. Not for just to embrace. Not just to see his face.. But for to stand side-by-side and Look Forward with.

You know?