Saturday, February 13, 2010

How to Get Severely Laid

She once told a lover that she would write a book of poems for him and call it Severely Laid. Later she would write another book and call it Sincerely Touched. She says, it probably would not be interesting to anyone but her, since the rocky road to peace is more sensational than peace itself, and the yearning for love is more dramatic when it hurts. She, is Marianne Williamson my favorite author of a woman's worth.

As I think about the last guy I dumped, it turns out he was in need of some serious dumping.We were only attached in his mind.. I had to dump him hard, too. So hard, that for a moment, I was afraid he might be hurt and never let me live it down. He was hard headed. He thought he was all that and a bag of chips. God's gift to me. Because.. because he thought of me that way.

What's wrong with me that I couldn't get with him? Give him a chance? The frog! He came offering gifts! Might of had Prince potential, too. I beat myself up about it for too long. And as much as I felt like his touch or his presents (not his presence) might cure what ailed me.. I know the truth is.. it just wasn't meant to be that-a-way. He didn't have what it takes. Physically, spiritually, mentally, financially. Emotionally. He was a nerd renting and working double shifts, off on Mondays.. calling and texting me all the time! A sarcastic egotistical antagonist, who left my 16 year old exclaiming..."Mom, our circumstances is not your test... HE is.. your test." Yep, this dude left an indelible mark on me and my child for a very brief moment and he doesn't even know it.

Essentially, UNATTRACTIVE... to me in so many ways, but never the less a very good teacher of something essential. I tried not to hurt his feelings. Even when he asked... "Do you find me attractive?" I blamed it on his wardrobe. T-shirts, gym shorts and orthopedic sneakers without socks is a sure turn off fellas! And he wan't good in bed, either! (Yes, that's no typo.. I said wan't.) No amount of
Maker's Mark whiskey sours--shaken well, so it gets all foamy... was going to make me want to spend any time teaching no body nothing. I'm tired of being the teacher! I want somebody who knows a little something about somethin'... extraordinary.

What matters is.. what matters to me. And that's all that matters. Not yearning for anything, just hold
ing out to be sincerely laid touched by the real deal.


Greg Dragon said...

That's no frog, that's a loser, if your daughter isn't feeling it, that's sign enough to move on. And I've had friends who have had hardcore breakups, they hurt for a good month and then bounce back. I always re-iterate the fact that we are USED TO rejection. Most guys with an ounce of game have been shot down enough to take rejection with a grain of salt (speaking for myself here I guess). So if you need to dump a dude, just be blunt about it. If a man gets emotional and weird you're better off dumping him anyway, there's nothing macho about that.