Monday, February 8, 2010

Don't love me 'cause I'm beautiful..

And don't hate me 'cause I'm beautiful, either!

It's a known fact that so called beautiful women are more disliked than their "plainer" rivals. And I might add, more lonely, too. Is it a curse to be considered beautiful?

From early childhood I watched my daughter being burdened with the stigma of adoration from adults because of her looks (and her smarts) to the dismay of her peers. And as a teen and young adult, I was called stuck up, or bitch, and antagonized and hated by my peers and coworkers because all the guys were staring and stumbling.. Let's go ahead and call it what it is. A curse!

And now, at age 47, I feel kinda of awkward talking about myself to other women. Even women who think I am beautiful. I like me. And I do beautiful very well. But I'm feeling hopelessly stigmatized myself, and I'm sure that most men I could be remotely attracted to are intimidated and stay away because they think that single and beautiful means deadly or damaged. I always get.. "How come a beautiful woman like you is still single?" Men friends and even my brothers suggest that I when I go out I should dress down and not turn down a drink offer or an invitation to dance. Else.. no other man in the room will ask. "Beautiful women.. Ya'll mess with a brother's head."

At work and in social settings beautiful women quickly become the center of attention. I don't like being the center of attention. It makes me feel like the entertainment. Guys seeking you out, alienating you from all the haters.. um.. women around. You'd be amazed to hear about all the negative attention I got from women at work just because of the unnecessary and undeserved attention I got from men.

I was telling some new friends at a weekend retreat that I tend to wear my sunglasses all the time, even inside at malls and grocery stores and the doctor's office, etc.. to avoid attracting unwanted attention and conversation about my eyes. They are green, and they are really mine. As flattering as that is, it can be very awkward to talk about myself when the focus should be on someone or something else. I know my eyes, my face, my hair, my stance, my persona and presence are beautiful to others! But there's more to me than what you see.

And just because it's beautiful to you doesn't mean it's good for you. You know? So unless you get to know me, you'll never really know me. It would be so nice to meet someone who is interested in getting to know me first without harping on what he thinks of my looks. The worst part is there is really nothing I can do about it... except keep my eyes open for the one who will have.. "enough confidence and swagger to pull me without any fear..."

That'll be the day!