My life as a single mother helped me reach a deeper understanding of my womanhood, today. Let me just say that I went through something that I'm going to call "libido rehab." By libido rehab I mean, after I left that Child Support Division of the Attorney General's office this morning... I was so Fired Up! Hot & Wired! My g-spot came looking for me!Something about revisiting my past with the father of my child... in order to submit a new petition for court ordered child support got me to feeling all.. as some would say... lustful.
Now that the new petition is signed, sealed, notarized, and soon to be delivered to a judge in Delaware, I'm in some sort of -turned on mood! The checkbook dad's ass is about to be grass.. And if the judge doesn't cut it, I will!! Sixteen years of expatriatism and deliberate dereliction of fatherly duties, emotional and financial, will soon be confronted!! It's not the money so much, it's the court order to Mr. "I don't want a judge telling me what to do and when to do it.." that turns me on!
Now that the new petition is signed, sealed, notarized, and soon to be delivered to a judge in Delaware, I'm in some sort of -turned on mood! The checkbook dad's ass is about to be grass.. And if the judge doesn't cut it, I will!! Sixteen years of expatriatism and deliberate dereliction of fatherly duties, emotional and financial, will soon be confronted!! It's not the money so much, it's the court order to Mr. "I don't want a judge telling me what to do and when to do it.." that turns me on!
By the time I was outta there, I was so exhausted & frisky & hot, I couldn't stand it! At the same time, I felt very tearful and hurt and angry! How dare him! Hurt my baby because I didn't want to be his wife! Before I could get to my car, something was definitely going on within me. But what?
Meanwhile.. Some cosmic strangeness was happening between 9 and 11:30 a.m. while I was taking care of business. As it turns out, I'd missed several calls from almost every man I've met in the past year. But not one of them left a message. The least desirable called so many times.. I went online and manually blocked his number! But before I did that, I thought; Do I? Would I? Could I? Should I? Because.. I seriously had thoughts of calling him back to ask him if he would like to be a friend with benefits. My mind was wandering all over the place!
But why would I go there? I don't like him the way he likes me! He moves too fast. And .. it ain't like he's eye candy! I do know he'd be happy to oblige my EVERY request. I also know that there'd be too many strings attached. He'd change his wardrobe, religion, and address to hang out with me! Before I know it.. he wouldn't be himself but Andy Garcia and Malik Yoba all rolled up into one juicy fine man! And I'm not interested in a man who needs to change in order to be with me. He wouldn't want me to do that for him.
It took me an hour to decide not to call him! Struggling with the thought of immediate pleasurable stress relief vs.. being totally irked for the rest of my life by a man who otherwise turns me off! (But maybe good sex would change MY MIND about him.) Ummmm... Nope. I couldn't do it! Not with him. Not with anyone else! I'll just deal with my libido.. secretly!
As for my instantaneous awakening.. I think it must have had something to do with rehashing my relationship with my baby's daddy and seeing the original petition with my answer to this question:
Meanwhile.. Some cosmic strangeness was happening between 9 and 11:30 a.m. while I was taking care of business. As it turns out, I'd missed several calls from almost every man I've met in the past year. But not one of them left a message. The least desirable called so many times.. I went online and manually blocked his number! But before I did that, I thought; Do I? Would I? Could I? Should I? Because.. I seriously had thoughts of calling him back to ask him if he would like to be a friend with benefits. My mind was wandering all over the place!
But why would I go there? I don't like him the way he likes me! He moves too fast. And .. it ain't like he's eye candy! I do know he'd be happy to oblige my EVERY request. I also know that there'd be too many strings attached. He'd change his wardrobe, religion, and address to hang out with me! Before I know it.. he wouldn't be himself but Andy Garcia and Malik Yoba all rolled up into one juicy fine man! And I'm not interested in a man who needs to change in order to be with me. He wouldn't want me to do that for him.
It took me an hour to decide not to call him! Struggling with the thought of immediate pleasurable stress relief vs.. being totally irked for the rest of my life by a man who otherwise turns me off! (But maybe good sex would change MY MIND about him.) Ummmm... Nope. I couldn't do it! Not with him. Not with anyone else! I'll just deal with my libido.. secretly!
As for my instantaneous awakening.. I think it must have had something to do with rehashing my relationship with my baby's daddy and seeing the original petition with my answer to this question:
When was the child conceived? Answer: February 1, 1993. Seventeen years ago --yesterday.Can you believe that?
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1 comments:
Great post! It is amazing how sexual energy will hit us at the most interesting times. When you are ready you will take a lover. You will know if you want a partner or a friend "with benefits" either way trust your instincts.
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